Get it Now

1-1-2008
Copyright 2008 Susan Loughry
All Rights Reserved

Just felt like talking. Isn't it funny how we can go for long periods of time without talking, and then pick right up when the opportunity and the need present themselves.

New year, new resolutions. Gonna turn my body around a slight bit, lose a few pounds, start with some yoga I think and get back into regular massage. Yesterday I found a new masseuse. She is tremendous. I got my hair done yesterday too, and it looks good. Soph and I got our cartilage pierced the other day. It was a spontaneous decision and hopefully a mother daughter memory was forged.

Cathy tried to kill herself and is living with us now. (long story, don't feel like going into it now)

We got a puppy for Christmas. He will grow to be a full sized collie and his name is Legend. He has a sweet, totally innocent personality. If I were a Hindu, I would say that he is a fresh soul. He seems to see absolutely everything for the first time with no preconceptions or guile. His purity is almost startling, I must admit. Does that mean I am getting old and jaded. No, it probably means I have not seen blank slate purity for a very long time, and that its unfamiliarity is a bit foreign, almost disconcerting.

Actually that is a bit ironic, if you think that my idealism, as shown by my career choice, predisposes me to look for innocence and to channel it. It's just that I see it so very rarely. By the time the kids get to me they have lost a great deal, but the seeds are there and that makes my job rewarding; there is still hope. I live on hope, as you know.

I got a new book a few days ago. I think it's gonna be a quick read. It's historical fiction, which of course, is the very best way to learn history. It tends to stick with me because of the humanity that is brought by the characters. Its about the building of a cathedral in medieval England. I plan to escape there for the next two or three weeks, yes it's a rather long book, and yes I still read astonishingly slowly.

Let's see, what else...Cathy and I are working on turning the loft above our garage into an art studio that we will share. Hopefully I'll be painting and turning again soon and maybe even doing some summer shows soon.

I decided to rename my retirement business from Susan Loughry Studios to Create It Studios. It seemed like the best thing to do in order to develop the art community that I am envisioning and to include my sister in the whole thing. Then also, it is more marketable under that name when I go to sell at the end of my life.

It will be great to be creating again soon. I haven't really done anything since I left Bruce. It's been three years. Funny how fast and how long time can seem. It's time though to get back to me. I'll create, and I will sell to kindred spirits, because they will be the ones who will be drawn to my work. It's amazing how that works. Hundreds of people can walk by your booth and never even look in, but the ones who do are people of interest to me because they are drawn in by my soul as expressed through my art. It's kinda like "MySpace" without the electricity.

Here's a random thought; isn't it cool how your body can get old, but you are still you. I look at my skin, and I see the age spots and the wrinkles around my eyes; I feel the arthritis in my back and shoulders, but I am still Sue. Every day brings new insights that I know every other human has had in their turn too, but they feel like they are unique to me. Epiphanys abound. Ah yes, nothing new under the sun...but who cares, I feel they are unique to me and as such, they are new. No one wants to feel average. I choose to feel wise and special when these insights grace my mind.

Along those lines, I find myself wanting to write again. It's a catharsis long neglected and untapped. It's just like the art. You do it because you have to, not to sell, but because you must release the feelings, the thoughts or you will explode. It must be done to protect your sanity. I think that's what it's about, release. You give me tremendous motivation to create. I can only be mundane for so long and then your spirit pokes at me and says, "Hi, remember me? I'm still here." Then I go 'Yeah, I remember you. You live in my heart forever and always.' Then you go, " Let's take a walk, it's a glorious day." Then I go, 'yes and the weather's nice too.' We walk for a while arm in arm. The sun beats down on my face, you tell me of a couple who reunited after a lifetime of years to end in each others arms at the age of 83. I hear the account, record it, and move on because I must savor every moment beside you. Knowing it may never come again but unable to beleive that in my heart, so perfect is the match of my soul to yours. The thought of finding you after all of those years, and not keeping you is simply not fathomable to me then or now. And so we walk in the loudest quiet two people can experience. We always communicate without talking, which for me, as a woman, is a most unsatisfying yet at the same time deeply rich reality.

Mostly the floodgates of my feelings swing open into poetry, though often not recorded just mutely rehersed almost to the point of mental orgasm. Do you get this? Do you get it now? I send this letter out to you, knowing that you won't get it, hoping that you might, dreaming that you will, and believing that you already have.

Forever and Always I love you,

Susan

P.S. Oh how I wish we had not BOTH lost the letters.